Emotional cloud of damage we have towards God

This damage is like a great big cloud that prevents us from being able to feel God and God’s feelings for us. And when
I say a cloud, there are many parts to this damage. For example there’s the emotion of self-reliance, which is a part of
the damage that prevents us from feeling God and having feelings for God inside us. We also have feelings of
rebellion. How many of you feel like you quite frequently have those? Quite a few! So you have feelings of rebellion
towards God, towards law, towards God’s principles and all those kind of things. 
We also have attitudes towards God personally where we feel that God is cruel and punishing. And many of these
attitudes come from a variety of sources. The primary source that they come from is our own parents because many
times we were punished by them at some point, and many times our own parents have actually treated us cruelly. As a
result of that we almost assume that anybody who says they love us is at some point going to be cruel to us. And you
know, there’s that song that goes (AJ sings), “You’ve got to be cruel to be kind in the right measure.” There’s this whole
idea that cruelty is a part of tough love. So we start believing that God is exactly the same as that. And on top of that,
many people have had cruel and punishing experiences where they believe God to be. I would like to explain why
those experiences occur. There is a general belief that God is cruel and punishing. All of our issues we have with our
parents, with the other gender are the same issues we have with God. So if we’re male and we have issues with the
female, then they are all issues we also have with God. 
If we start adding up the long litany of problems that we have with God, it’s quite a lot. What happens is there are all of
these emotions that form a sort of barrier between us and God. It’s a barrier where we frequently can’t really feel God at
all and unfortunately generally our really strong feelings for God are very rare in our life. We may have periods of
time, five minutes here and ten minutes there or half an hour here maybe, where we have strong feelings. Or we have a
lot of feelings that God should fix things. You know it’s only in the times when we really feel like we’re under the
weather in our life that we turn to God and try to connect to God. And during those times, generally you could say that
we’re just really demanding of God. We want God to come along and patch up all the areas of our life that we feel are
And one of the other things is that God does not respond to addictions. If I have an addiction where I’m rebellious in
my life and create a whole heap of negative things as a result of this rebellion and then want God to come along and
patch it all up for me so that I can go forth and create another series of rebellions, obviously God’s not going to respond
to all of that. And so there’s this great big long list of emotions that we have towards God; demands, expectations,
resistance and as a result of that, and it’s like a cloud. We could just call it a cloud of damage, if you like. There is a cloud of emotional damage about different issues between us and God
So we have this great big emotional cloud of damage. And for the majority of us we try to avoid it intellectually. We
almost try to tell ourselves that that’s not the case, and that we have the fewest problems with God, for those of us who
feel we want to have a relationship with God. But the majority of times we have the greatest amount of problem with
God. And that’s a big problem. 
So there we are, we’ve got this huge issue with God but we still want to be loved. And we still want to be cared for and
we still want to have relationships that are meaningful. So what do we do? Well we start setting up relationships with
other people. And in this process we have a habit of setting up relationships with spirit people as well, as a replacement
for our relationship with God.
We use other people and spirits as replacements for our relationship with God
What I observe happening quite a lot amongst the group that lives down in this region is that you are becoming quite
addicted to the relationships that replace God. As a result of that, it’s very, very difficult to enter a relationship with
God. You are very focused in particular on the relationships with spirits and what they give you. Many of you believe
that you’re receiving Divine Love when the reality is that you’re receiving addictive emotions and nice feelings from
spirits, and you’re thinking that that’s God.
And the reason all of those kinds of things happen is that we’re not prepared to address this cloud of damage that we
have specifically with God. Because those emotions are the most difficult emotions that most of us find to go through.
Most of us like to rebel and we like to be self-reliant and we like to hold onto ideas that our parents are nice when the
reality is that many of our parents treated us quite badly. In other words we try to maintain a facade position with
regard to our emotional damage with God. And if you try to do that, you will not be able to maintain a relationship with God because God is only interested in a pure relationship with you, one without facade and without addictions.