The World’s Definition of Love: Session 1
Let’s talk about how the world views love. How does that song go? (AJ sings) “What the world needs now is love
sweet love.” Ah, what a corny song to start the session on.
Firstly the world thinks that it knows what love is. Most people in the world feel, or think I should say, that they know
what love is. Very few people are really honest with themselves about it, but if you listen to the average mother and she
will certainly tell you she knows what love is. She’s had children, so she knows what love is (Laughter).
The world also thinks it knows what love feels like. Is that not true? (AJ sings) “Love hurts…” and so forth. We think
we know what love feels like. The world also thinks it knows what love does. If you see someone crying, love will
Mary: “Don’t cry, don’t cry.” “I love you, I love you.”
Yeah, “You don’t need to cry.” That’s what the world does with love, one of the things.
So when you think about all of that, if a person comes along on the Earth and says, “I’m sorry, what you think love is,
is not what it is and what you think love feels like, actually that’s not love either,” and if that same person says, “You
know how you do these things thinking you’re doing them because you love? You’re not doing them because you love;
you’re doing them for another reason.” Isn’t that going to be quite confronting? And that’s the issue we face on the
Earth today; is that the world already has belief systems about love that are fully in place, and have been established for
many thousands of years actually.
Mary: And people defend them ferociously as you’ve already experienced.
This is an interesting oxymoron, the defence of love ferociously.
Mary: I feel that people decide they know what love does, what it looks like, what it feels like because they don’t want
to face that maybe what they felt in their childhood wasn’t love, and so they hold onto that. It’s about the avoidance of
our own pain in the end, so they hold onto that and go, “No that is love and that’s what I’m going to have with everyone
else and anyone who challenges that is actually challenging what I felt in my childhood, which I’d really like to feel is
love because if it wasn’t love, then it’s going to hurt.”
And also if anyone is challenging it, then they’re automatically unloving.
Mary: According to the definition.
So one of the first things we need to see about love is there is a direct relationship between what we were taught love
was from our own childhood and what we believe love to be. We need to understand that direct relationship that
whatever we were taught love to be in our environment as we were a child, we often grow up and actually believe love
to be, even though it may not be love.
There are literally people on the planet who believe an abusive relationship is love. That’s why they’re in an abusive
relationship. Many of you have heard of the battered wife syndrome where the woman is allowing herself to be beaten
by her partner but at the same time her partner tells her that he loves her and she believes that. Why does that happen?
Well something has to have happened in her childhood for her to accept that untruth.So what we want to do is start confronting these ideas within ourselves, through investigation. My suggestion is, as an
investigation in your own life, is to start looking at “what the world believes love is” and then ask yourself, if I were
really open minded in my investigation of love, would I believe love is that or not? And the same goes with “what love
feels like” and “what love does”.
2. Love is never painful
Now if love is the most powerful force in the universe and if we have this viewpoint that love is always painless, so let
me present that as an idea that love is never painful. I put that to you as an idea that love is never painful, and this is a
very important idea to experiment with. [00:07:02.13]
Mary: And how much does that mess up everything that we’ve thought is love is in the past?
I quite often hear from people, “Ah but that’s what happens when you’re in love isn’t it? Sometimes it’s quite painful,
sometimes it hurts.” No, it never hurts. Love never hurts. Real love never hurts, it’s never painful. Now as a concept in
itself, it’s a very powerful concept to consider because that means that every time I’ve had pain in a relationship of any
kind, then love wasn’t its cause. It means that something else was its cause other than love, if this is true.
And this is where we can have an open scientific investigative nature. We can consider as a potential possibility that
love is never painful and if we go down that track, every time that I feel pain from love, I do not understand what love
is. Can you see the relationship? If I believe that love is never painful, then every time I have pain, it mustn’t be love
anymore it must be something else.
Now if love is never painful, then how much of what the world’s view of love feels like goes out the window? Most of
the songs, such as the Roy Orbison song “Love hurts”, “Sacrifice for Love”. There are plenty of them aren’t there? (AJ
sings) “I will do anything for love.” Would love do anything for love? Would love lie? Well that song says yes, that
love would lie for somebody. There’s another Brian Adams song that goes, “I would lie for you, I’d die for you…”
That’s what we view love to be, and Brian Adams has made millions of dollars from those records, which means that
many of the people who listen to the songs believe that that is true; that’s what I would do for love.
Mary: About a year or so ago my brother launched a fairly vicious attack upon AJ and myself on the Internet and I
spoke to my dad about it and he said, “Well there’s love in what he’s doing there Mary.” And I even went to talks and
people went, “Yeah, it’s pretty nasty what you’re brother’s saying but I can tell he loves you.”
Like how is a person swearing about your partner loving you?
Mary: Attacking your way of life, loving you?
How does that work? You see we go, “Ah but love is motivating that”. I’m sorry I can’t agree, love doesn’t motivate
that behaviour. It’s another emotion. It’s an addiction of some kind and some other emotion motivating that kind of
behaviour. It’s never love because love would never even contemplate doing that. [00:10:28.20]
Mary: But on the Earth it’s fairly common that we go, “Ah no that’s love. You do that when you love someone in the
family. You’ll do anything to help them,” and people excuse a lot of very negative behaviour calling it love. That’s how
rife the acceptance on the planet is; that it’s okay you can be angry and loving, you can be abusive and loving.
Now obviously the man who’s beating his wife is taking that to an extreme because he believes he loves his wife and
he says often to her, “But I really love you,” but he’s beating her for goodness sake! That’s taking this concept that I can
do anything for love to the extreme. Why would he beat her? Because basically he’s jealous and jealousy obviously
isn’t love. Maybe he’s trying to control her. Is control love? No, it’s not love, and yet we accept on this Earth today, we
accept so many beliefs that the world has about love without question.
So my suggestion is to experiment with this concept in your day-to-day life. Experiment with the concept that love is
never painful and every time I feel some pain then I don’t understand love in that particular moment, just experiment
with that. Now when I started experimenting with that myself in this life it was amazing how many things I realised I
was doing where I did not conceive love correctly.